22 June 2005

The Russian Programmer

Don't take this seriously now 'coz it's way back 1998-99. But reading thru, I realized how lucky I am. ;) Read on, most likely the site was written using a bootlegged Microsoft FrontPage hahahaha!


  1. Russian programmers never read manuals and rarely use online help - they easily get a
    grasp of a new program, simply because they have already tried every single program in
    this field before.


  2. Insanely untrue, a desperate ploy to get a job offer



  3. Russian programmers never pay for the software. They either crack it or buy those
    wonderful CDs with tons of cracked software that are sold for $5 bucks in every major city
    in Russia.


  4. I never pay for software and I never steal software. That's bad [programming] karma



  5. Russian programmers are always on the cutting edge of software development - they use
    the latest versions of the best tools available - it's easy, since there is no need to
    pay.


  6. And we are on the bleeding edge, because we're involved in writing the best tools. While they become the "Mac Users"



  7. Russians programmers are very experienced in hardware. They will take your computer
    apart and build it back in a matter of minutes. They remember the jumpers settings for
    most boards, hard drives and other devices. They never forget what interrupts and base
    memory addresses are currently used up in their computers.


  8. Kid Stuff



  9. Russians programmers keep upgrading their computers until there are no more available
    interrupts, no room for additional memory and no free bay slots. If they can't upgrade it
    any more they buy a new one and tie both old and new computer into a LAN.


  10. Cheapos

    :))

  11. Russians programmers program on on all levels, beginning with the processor codes, table
    of which they hold for the reference on their desk. They usually remember by heart the
    list of functions of Int21H.


  12. Fundamentally essential, but waste of time these days



  13. Russian programmers remember by heart both English and Russian keyboard layouts. You can
    ask them in the middle of the night what key is between A and L and you'll hear surprised:
    "What do you mean - they are 7 keys apart?".


  14. This is funny, when they type they still look at the keyboard



  15. Russian programmers hate Microsoft and Microsoft tools, but keep using them from time to
    time.

  16. Russian programmers prefer Borland tools and install Microsoft compilers only for their
    nice Help files on Windows API.


  17. No longer applicable today



  18. Russian programmers feel themselves very comfortable on the Internet. They are always
    online - just in case they need something urgently.


  19. Big deal huh



  20. Russian programmers only work when they are in the right mood. Programming is a creative
    process and it cannot be pushed.

  21. Agree! But not uniquely Russian



  22. Russian programmers are always in the mood for programming.


  23. Most likely they don't know how to kiss anymore



  24. There are two kinds of Russian programmers - the ones that hate Windows and program on
    Unix and the ones that hate Windows and still program on Windows. Macintosh programmers
    aren't real programmers - they are more often referred to as "users".


  25. Well, this is 1998 and this guy never heard of Linux yet



  26. Russian programmers hate to code somebody else's ideas. Each program is written
    personally and from scratch.


  27. Yeah, and the next programmer will write a different code for the same application, Time wasters

    :))

  28. Russian programmers always have a copy of Doom, Duke Nukem or Quake on their hard
    drives. They play nights over the network in the Deathmatch mode.


  29. Anyway this is 1998



  30. Russian programmers never use joystick. Keyboard is a dangerous weapon in their fast
    hands.


  31. Because joystick is for playing not for programming, Ivan



  32. Russian programmers never give up. They will hunt down bugs in their programs forgetting
    to eat and sleep.


  33. Because it's their fault why bugs are there in the first place anyway

    :))

  34. Russian programmers' wives are never happy. They get no attention whatsoever as long as
    the computer is in the same house.


  35. Hey, get a sex therapy program(not the one that you install on a pc jerk)



  36. There are two kinds of Russian programmers - the ones that bring profit by actually
    doing something, and the ones that bring better profit by not interfering with anything.


  37. So mostly likely they love interfering with something



  38. Russian programmers are always underpaid. There is no money in the world that amounts to
    what they are really worth.


  39. Yeah, Just like us



  40. Big bosses don't like Russian programmers. Who likes a smart ass who knows everything?


  41. Haha, even if we know everything, big bosses likes us



  42. Big bosses will never fire a Russian programmer. They know that even working 10 hours a
    week and being half-drunk Russian programmer will accomplish more than a Ph.D both in the
    short and in the long run.


  43. This is 1998, today anyone is expendable



  44. Russian programmers never prototype the code. They write on inspiration, sometimes
    without sleep, driven by the urge to see the new program run as soon as possible. When the
    program finally runs without glitches they drop on the floor and sleep for 20-30 hours
    happily smiling in their dreams.


  45. So usually it's a "Picasso" code that goes to the grave with them



  46. Russian programmers never approach programming methodically. Every program is a piece of
    art and is usually written in a highly inconvenient time when deadlines for other projects
    are around the corner.


  47. Crammers

    :))

  48. Russian programmers like sushi. Japanese restaurant is the only place they may sacriface
    the friday night debugging session for.


  49. So that's how long they take to debug their artfully written program

    :))

  50. Russian programmers eat very seldom. Usually they manage to grab something during the
    compilation or a lengthy file upload/download.


  51. Most likely their brains only works during compilation or a lengthy file upload/download

    :))

  52. Russian programmers usually sleep from 6 am to 8 am. The rest of the day (and night) is
    spent in a half-sleeping mode, although it doesn't reflect on work efficiency.


  53. Russian programmers ignore the regular schedule with lunch time starting at noon. They
    usually go to lunch around 2-3 pm. If they go to the lunch after 4 pm - they don't return.


  54. Russian programmers never start working right away in the morning.
    First they check and reply to all E-mails, read the daily news, make a
    posting to a favorite newsgroup and have a cup of tea.


  55. Who does?



  56. The morning ritual described in item 29 usually lasts through the
    first half of the day. Russian programmers start working right after
    lunch, intermixing their primary functions with Internet activity.


  57. Russian programmers like to chat on IRC. Communication with real
    people takes to much time to be taken seriously.


  58. The writer shouldn't be generalized with the rest of the Russian Programming Community

    ;)


  59. If Russian programmer visits a friend who has a computer in the house,
    sooner or later he will get to it to check his mail or for some other
    important reason.



  60. If the computer in the friend's house is broken, the Russian
    programmer will fix it in no time.


  61. Big deal?



  62. Russian programmers usually fall dead asleep every time they are taken
    away from the computer. The regular life is too boring.


  63. Poor guy



  64. Russian programmers with laptops very often collapse from exhaustion
    and insomnia, because there is no place on earth where they could get
    away from their computers and take a good sleep.


  65. Even Poorer Guy!




But at any given time I would prefer to work with a Russian than an American.

2 comments:

AK47 said...

I think you're been kiddish here jared, I expect a software developer to look at the comments been made critically and not a jeer or a cynic feeling you have...tell us what Singaporian programmers can do..the russians have been proud of themselves no matter how exaggerated and I think I'm proud of their achievement in sofware developing as well and let us challenge further the humanistic approach to programming...

Jared said...

Chill out dude, where's the fun in you? I don't know what Singaporean programmers can do man. You're comment is in a very impeccable timing. Of course I being kiddish, because the whole stuff is all about kidding and you're too damn serious about it.